First, I played an Eb. And then I played it again. I played that Eb for what seemed like days as my heart, mind, and soul tried to find some coherence with each other and form a musical idea to express my grief.
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Regicide is one of my most vulnerable works to date. Although I wasn’t aware of its meaning or significance at the time I was writing it, it is clear now that this piece was an expression of innermost grief developing into a lofty yet uncertain hope—a once proud man realizing that he is nothing, but eventually finding worth in things outside himself.
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There have been many times in the last few years when I’ve been horrified of the concept of being alone. I spent a long time doing everything I could to avoid my deepest thoughts. This, believe it or not, was counter-productive, and only reinforced my own fear of myself and my core, which was becoming progressively darker and more difficult to access.
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The piece begins with a slow statement of the theme from the alto flute, with the cello accompanying on a light pizzicato and the marimba coming with occasional tremolos. This sets a scene of mystery, and the instrumentation gives one a feeling of being lost — although not necessarily unhappily lost — in the woods.
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Depending on context, “animus” can mean both “hostility or ill-feeling” and “motivation to do something.” I believe Animus succeeds in portraying both of these sentiments.
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I really can’t say enough about Caleb’s preparation and performance of Destitution’s Gain. This piece is one of the most technically and intellectually challenging pieces I have ever written, and he took it head on. Caleb put an unprecedented amount of time and effort into this piece, and I am extremely thankful for his work and friendship.
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I had spent my life believing I was not allowed to ask questions of God or intellectually challenge his power, fundamental goodness, and authority over my life. I do not think that is what I was taught. Instead, I was taught that to ask those questions was pointless, because of the “obvious” truth of the Bible and Christian teachings. The conflict, therefore, arose as I became deeply dissatisfied with my shallow understanding of God, but felt enormous guilt at the prospect of anything that smelled of “doubt.”
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Morgan’s vision behind the piece, her dedication to its completion and meaning, and the perspective she brought (both at the time it was written and today) all come together to create a narrative with a significant message that I am incapable of declaring by myself. In our collaborative efforts together, I believe we were able to proclaim a meaningful truth, tragic as its circumstances may be, that can speak to anyone suffering from their own forms of loss and show them the hope through it.
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Tangle tells a story of two members becoming comically entangled and engaging in a confusing and disorienting dance.
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A couple months ago, I graduated (woohoo!) from Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama with a bachelor’s degree in Music Composition.
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