Destitution's Gain
from Caleb Phillips, pianist:
Destitution's Gain is one of those few musical works with which I have a somewhat volatile love-hate relationship. While the process of learning it catalyzed a fresh perspective for me in the relationship between piece and performer, there are some parts of this work which challenged my rhythmic abilities more than they ever had been (thanks for that second movement, Smith) and decayed my sanity more than a little.
When Smith first asked me to play Destitution's Gain I struggled connecting with the composition and understanding what it was trying to express. Usually, whenever I learn a piece I always create a story in my mind in order to communicate the music more clearly to the audience, but that was not happening easily in this case. Smith was encouraging and helpful; giving me creative freedom to interpret the work from my point of view while also providing useful suggestions and direction when needed. But I still struggled.
Finally, after giving a mock performance for Smith shortly before his composition recital, he told me, "You're thinking too hard about this. Just play it for yourself."
More than anything else, those words helped me understand the meaning of the work and reframed the lens through which I perceived it. Instead of attempting to formulate a specific story for the music prior to performance, each movement took on a different emotional context every time, depending on what I needed to express. The foundational structure of the work - everything written on the page - remained the same each time, but the journey was always unique.
Reflecting back on this performance, there are several decisions that I made which I would take in a completely different musical direction if I were to play it again right now. However, I made those choices then because that was what I needed from the music in that moment, despite quite a few technical flaws during this performance.
There are many things I could say about the piece in terms of structure, development, and meaning for me, but I think that would take away from the personal journey which you as the listener should be able go on. My hope is that you will engage in the creative process of this music, and that it provides a conduit for reflecting on, feelings, and expressing whatever you need to during this moment of listening.
from W. F. Smith Leithart, composer:
Other considered titles for this post include “Caleb Phillips is a God-Send” and “Don’t Worry, I Paid Caleb’s Hospital Bills.”
I wrote Destitution’s Gain in the spring semester of 2016. Kathryn Fouse, my piano teacher at the time, asked her students to compose pieces for her upcoming recital. Dr. Fouse is one of the most skilled musicians I know, and the thought of composing a piece for her to play nearly floored me. I immediately got to work writing something as challenging and compelling as my 18-year-old mind could conceive.
When the time came for me to make arrangements for my senior recital, Dr. Fouse had moved on to bigger and better things at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor in Texas. We had discussed her coming back to play Destitution’s Gain on my recital, but UMHB had wisely taken advantage of having such an exceptional talent at their disposal, and Kathryn was regrettably unable to attend. I began to ask my friends and faculty if they would be willing to play the piece. It wasn’t an easy pitch: “Hey, I wrote this music for the best pianist I know. It requires you to do things that no one in their right mind would attempt (see second movement), will take hours of practice (on top of everything else you’re already doing), and I probably can’t pay you. You in?”
As you can expect, I got a lot of negative responses and “Are you crazy?” looks. Finally, just when it seemed I would have to play the piece myself (which would have greatly pleased Dr. Sanders), Caleb and his magical fingers descended from the heavens on the wings of angels and agreed to give it a shot. And the rest, as they say, was history. I really can’t say enough about Caleb’s preparation and performance of Destitution’s Gain. This piece is one of the most technically and intellectually challenging pieces I have ever written, and he took it head on. Caleb put an unprecedented amount of time and effort into this piece, and I am extremely thankful for his work and friendship.
I. Rupture
Destitution’s Gain tells a story of two conjoined members — namely in some form of relationship with each other — who are forcibly torn apart and caused to operate in isolation. It is also a series of “interval studies,” as it were. The first movement, Rupture, uses predominantly octaves, and is meant to depict the initial “tearing apart” of the two members, with the tragedy that brings. So, in other words, a break-up. But I like to think of the story of this work as one of more than just a failed romantic relationship; to me, it deeply explores the nature of any co-dependence, human or otherwise—though, since I am human, most of what I say will reflect on the very human aspects of such an occurrence.
The opening chords of this first movement feature a progression I discovered years ago but had never put to proper use. I don’t want these articles to turn into theory lessons, so I’ll spare you all the details, but if you’re interested in knowing more about the progression, you can scroll down and see the score for yourself. I thought these chords, especially jumping between the high and low ends of the piano, accurately depicted the disorientation that comes when one is cut off from something to which one is accustomed. This entire movement is really about disorientation. Perhaps it would have been programmatically appropriate for me to utilize more atonality or less structure in general, but hey, nobody’s perfect. Truthfully, there are all kinds of things I would have changed in this piece if I had the time; maybe I’ll still go back and do that someday, when I’m not wasting my time writing blogs.
Rupture is by far the least difficult movement to play. As long as the performer has hands that can reach an octave and has the strength to play ridiculously loud (see measure 48), the movement goes slowly enough that nothing about it is hard to play. It’s almost too slow, making it hard for any momentum to be built. But Caleb played it masterfully, with expressive lines and vast dynamic shifts that expertly highlighted the disorientation and simple terror that was meant to be portrayed.
If you’d like to purchase the score and/or audio for Destitution’s Gain, please contact me for rates.
II. Decay
In short, Decay depicts the painful process of each member losing part of itself as a result of the separation. That is portrayed immediately by the metric diminution of the ostinato. First, every note but the last is an eighth note, with the final note being a sixteenth. In the second measure, the last two notes are sixteenths. In the third, three notes are sixteenths. This continues until the performer plays the rapid ostinato in its “final form,” as it were, in 9/16 time. But it isn’t really 9/16… it should be more like 3/8 + 3/16, or something… but I digress. This section (and when it is repeated in other places in the movement) is meant to show the gradual decaying of the mind, heart, and soul during the process of separation.
So far, this movement hasn’t been difficult to play either. As long as you can count quickly, you won’t have any problems so far. And then the crazy starts. While the right hand continues to play sixteenth notes in the same 3/8 + 3/16 pattern, the left hand begins the decaying process that the right hand just finished. If that doesn’t sound hard to you, I’d like you to reach out to Dr. Fouse and Caleb and tell them that yourself. Let me know how they respond.
Continuing with the theme of interval studies, Decay contains a great many 2nds and 7ths — sometimes simultaneously, which creates harmonic havoc in the later sections of the movement. In a few instances, the right hand continues the blazing 16th-note ostinato while the left hand leaps over it to play a meticulously timed chunk of chords that are somehow a variation on the main theme (don’t ask me how). These passages are also extremely difficult to play, but Caleb took them head on and pulled them off quite nicely.
The furious speed of some sections of this movement are balanced out by slow, drudging segments. This disparity represents the extremes of emotion that fill the decaying process; sometimes frantic and panicking, other times sluggish and apathetic.
The decaying process has always been the most painful for me in personal hardships. Of course, the “rupture” is shocking; when a friend says they’re moving away, a significant other ends a relationship, or a loved one dies, it hurts, obviously. But the hardest part, to me, is always trying to adjust and alter one’s life to the change. When we allow ourselves to attach to someone on an intimate level, we inevitably lose some of ourselves whenever that person is gone. That is what Decay is about. The losing of oneself.
If you’d like to purchase the score and/or audio for Destitution’s Gain, please contact me for rates.
III. Regain
After suffering the painful and confusing decay, the members progress into Regain, where those things that were lost are now recovered in a stronger and more secure way. In Romans 5, Paul says “but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” No matter the suffering, there comes a point where we are able, in some way, to grow from it. It is often a terribly long process, full of ebbs and flows, and can often feel like more steps backward than forward. But, as we progress to the final fourth movement, the growth can be clearly perceived.
Regain starts and ends on a repeated G3. At the beginning, this is the lonely, decayed member. It has been stripped down to almost nothing, having only its individuality left; an individuality which has lost much of its own identity. Over the course of the piece, the one note grows into cluster chords that shift constantly, creating a harmonic ebb and flow that goes hand-in-hand with the consistent rhythmic fluctuation. After this continues for a while, the right hand plays a haunting, chromatic melody in the upper register that reaches to sonic heights, grasping for something more than what it is; beckoning for progress to be made. Then, the piano goes silent, and we resume the G3. At the end, there are several measures of this note—this member—alone again. This time, however, it means something different. It is again left to nothing but its own individuality, but that is now far more significant. Thanks to the ebbing and flowing, the painful reaching, the beckoning for meaning, this member can achieve greater heights than it ever could have before, even on its own.
This movement, though not particularly challenging to play, gave Caleb a great deal of trouble on an artistic level. His final performance was nothing short of brilliant, but it took many instances of me reminding him to loosen up and approach the piece personally and emotionally—rather than objectively and scientifically—before it clicked for him. This is true for the entirety of Destitution’s Gain, but for this movement in particular, the performer needs to have the ability to let the music see into his soul in order for it to be successful; let it shine a light around, pull a few things out, and weave them into the fabric of the piece. I don’t think this is Caleb’s natural instinct. As a friend of his, I believe I can say that he tends to approach things from a more critical and intellectual point of view. But when he was able to reach this point of emotional honesty and vulnerability, Regain took on a much more powerful meaning, to him and to his listeners.
If you’d like to purchase the score and/or audio for Destitution’s Gain, please contact me for rates.
IV. Endure
Finally, in the fourth movement, Endure, each member has now learned how to survive without the other, and they both begin their separate journeys as newly strengthened individuals. The opening theme begins in a high register and falls progressively down two octaves. The open 4ths, 5ths, and octaves on the first page and a half foreshadow the open-endedness of the work. The melody repeats a few times, grows louder, and then suddenly cuts off, and we come to a painfully slow middle section that vaguely hearkens back to the previous movements. Measures 17-19 remind the listener of the Rupture, with its low, grumbling tones. 20-21 call to mind the open chords in the chaotic melody of Decay. And 22-23 use shifting triads to recreate the sonic quality of Regain. Finally, it all culminates in measure 24, where the shimmering cluster of notes rings out the good news that there is something greater, and it is all thanks to the harrowing journey that we’ve been through.
And then we’re off to the races.
Measure 25 begins at breakneck speed as the newly strengthened members, realizing their vitality despite their loss, press on enthusiastically towards whatever lies ahead. The left hand booms out an approximate melodic inversion of the opening theme, climbing up the piano instead of falling down. The members have new resolves, complete identities, and the wherewithal to run towards their respective finish lines, wherever they may be. Endure lacks a satisfying ending because the finish lines have not been reached yet. The members still have a journey ahead of them, still a mountain to climb, but the difference now is that they are actually climbing.
Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of playing Destitution’s Gain, apart from the personal difficulty of allowing oneself to connect intimately with the piece, is the complete independence of the hands that is required at multiple passages. In this movement especially, you can hear Caleb stumble over passages and regroup. This, truly, is no fault of his. When Kathryn Fouse played the work, her comment to me was, “You probably could have achieved the same things musically with two-thirds the practical difficulties.” As usual, Dr. Fouse is probably right. It may take some tedious re-writing, but as it is, this piece is nearly impossible to pull off, as Caleb can confirm. Still, all that being said, Caleb played the entirety of Destitution’s Gain with fervor, dedication, and incredible skill, and all it cost him was the nerve endings in his right hand. Thanks again, Caleb. Excellent, excellent job.
If you’d like to purchase the score and/or audio for Destitution’s Gain, please contact me for rates.